The Phrases from A Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the actual experience soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now better used to talking about the pressure on mothers and about PND, less is said about the challenges new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a wider failure to talk among men, who still hold onto damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a respite - going on a short trip away, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a trusted person, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, staying active and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."